A chain reaction is a sequence of reactions where a reactive product or by-product causes additional reactions to take place.
A metaphor for chain reactions is a snowball - causing larger snowfall - until finally an avalanche results (also known as the snowball effect)."
As I sat in the office, alone, I found myself fixating on the most random things.
Things like the bland beige paint on the walls. And either my eyes were a magnifying glass or the fibres in the carpet were huge.
I couldn't fathom the chain of events I had just set into motion.
The shivering got worse. It seemed like my whole body was shaking.
I was running on raw, nervous energy - not just an ordinary rush of adrenalin - this fear was constant.
This was dread.
While all this was happening, they had contacted my Nan (my mothers mum) and it had been agreed by all that this was the best place for me to stay for now.
Amazingly, they even asked me if that was O.K. with me. I was grateful to stay there. I didn't want to go to some kind of foster care - if there was even anything like that available in our town.
By the time I got to my Nan's place, I was exhausted. I was numb. It had been a long, tiring day. I don't think I had any more tears left to cry.
All the time I had kept my secret, I had feared that my mother would not choose me. My worst fear had now been realised and my world had crumbled beneath my feet.
I felt hurt, scared, and very, very alone. Unloved. Worthless.
My one bright shining light in all of this is the love, strength and support that my Nan had for me.
I didn't know what was going to happen.
I knew that there was going to be a court case.
I would have to go to court.
Things were about to get a lot worse before they got better.
And they did get worse.**
But my Nan was my rock through all of this strife.
She helped me to survive.
My past does not define me.
I am not a victim.
I am a survivor.
** I will talk about this in my next post.
For new readers who want to start at the beginning, start here.